No matter if a relationship finished towards a terrible note, you can still find parts of one to relationship that can are nevertheless having all of us forever, impacting exactly how we relate solely to family members and you will perceive relationships. You can also has actually symbolic links on family relations: the brand new nightclubs you went along to, the new courses you got along with her, the brand new coffee houses your visited, the films you noticed, etc. are typical links back to that particular relationship. It’s also likely that the latest relationship concluded on a confident note while nonetheless sometimes say hello towards the Myspace or during the holidays by way of cards exchanges. Just as most of the relationships is unique, so might be the knowledge off post-friendship fact.
Outside the values off friendship creativity, different people generate different varieties of friendship in their existence. Sarah H. Matthews noted one to fundamentally men and women have three first form of relationships: independent, discreet, and you can acquisitive (as found in Figure 2). 39
Within her investigation, Matthews discovered that independents often saw the relationships based on certain circumstances within life and not necessarily certain members of the family. When talking about family, independents was in fact likely to regarding the “some one it know” or “some one they’d known,” not showing on particular names. Independents was basically very likely to talk about particular brands after they talked on somebody they certainly were interacting with already. Instance, independents talked about friends throughout attacks of their existence (age.grams., primary college or university, junior high/middle-college or university, highschool, college) and not regarding certain individuals it knew for an extended period out-of lifestyle. Matthews argues you to independents presented its principles from friendships away from biggest lives situations. They also never ever reported which have an almost, special, or closest
Next variety of friendship chatted about by the Matthews is actually the newest discreet build, hence, unlike independents, are noted because of the a deep exposure to a friend otherwise category away from household members irrespective of modifying circumstances in their lifestyle. This type of friendships was designated from the deep partnership and you will toughness, which also implies that whenever a discerning people loses a friend, they are the most likely to play a deep sense of losing the life. Discerners was in fact and additionally more likely to draw clear contours between amicable relations and you will friendship. Total, “the new discreet recognized … just a few people in their lifetime whom they noticed friends. Although not each one of these informants had kept these types of relationships, those who had, valued them very.” 41
The final relationship layout chatted about from the Matthews ‘s the acquisitive design. Acquisitives is actually “those who moved by way of the lifetime meeting some relationships, making it possible for affairs while making you can easily the brand new meeting out of almost certainly candidates, then again, committing on their own into relationships when they were made, at least on the time when it as well as their family was geographically proximate.” 42 Rather than the brand new independents, acquisitives discussed which have intimate contacts challenging household members they usually have came across, and you may in place of the latest discerning, acquisitives had been offered to developing new relationships in their lifestyle. Basically, these folks build an effective, center selection of household members while they go throughout their lifetime if you find yourself acquiring new ones dependent on transform within lives.